We cannot guarantee that the person we start a relationship is the ideal life partner. In most cases, you do not know the person inside out before you start a relationship. That person might be just a person to you before. But when the connection is created, the mind makes you see the partner as the most suitable. It is a trick of the mind to get you addicted to the relationship. But you might feel like this with only some people you meet. And you might not know that the mind is playing a game with your emotions.
Even if you get indications that this is not the perfect person for you and this person might destroy your life, you still get close because of your addiction to that person and the relationship. It is a very organized, slow-processed reaction created in your mind. This toxic relationship can lead a person with a bright future to destruction. You can see plenty of examples of unhealthy relationships in the society around you.
At the initial stage, the attraction between the two is powerful, and everything they say or so makes you feel loved and cared for. You get highly satisfied by them. It is because this stage has more curiosity, but the level of it differs from person to person. The emotions are more potent than the intelligence at this stage, so some conversations are not severe, and you might not even know you had such a conversation. You are ready to fall into the commitment of marriage even tomorrow. You think your partner is the only person to understand you, and all your conversations are the vital reason for that.
But you forget that this person might not be the same person you think, the person you have pictured in your mind based on all the daily conversations you have. You might not be able to judge the partner based on the behavior and conversations you carry out during the initial stage of the relationship.
If the partner needs to stay with you in a long-term relationship, their behavior shows it even from the beginning. As I have mentioned in my earlier articles, the initial stage leads to addiction, and sometimes you may not notice this.
At this stage, if someone has reasonable control over their emotions, you can identify them as the most suitable person for a trusted relationship. If not, you come across excessive attention during the early stage of the relationship that gradually decreases once the curiosity declines.
Here is the most helpful part!
As explained earlier, you can never judge a person during the initial stage, where the curiosity about the new phase of life is very high. But plenty of people conclude about the other person during this stage. They even think and ensure that minor mistakes can be sorted out quickly. And they soon enter into a marriage commitment.
So if that person cannot control him or herself over the mistakes of the partner, committing to a married life with that person is a risk. This is especially true when you see your partner's errors but can see the good side of them and argue over the Quality of that person and maintain the attraction level; that person has a higher level of self-control to carry on the relationship. If the partner does not have self-control over these matters, it is tough to trust that person, and slowly, such people start showing unexpected hurtful behavior patterns.
The problems start piling up, and you will never be able to get rid of them. After marriage, such partners expect much attention and care from you. They think that they are limited only to you. You might not be able to identify this at the very early stage. But once you enter the marriage, they start showing these weird behavior patterns. You will start seeing a lot of voids in their behavior that you did not know when you were in the relationship with that person. When you continue experiencing this behavior, you could even end up in depression. And it is not only depression; it could get worse, and some might lead to suicide.
So, it is essential to understand that that person can fulfill your needs, covering all aspects of life. This is a decision made for a lifetime. So, you need to take time and plan well before deciding. A tiny reason is enough to make married life dull and monotonous. And the loss of trust after getting married can lead to long-term mental health issues. As this, the happiness of your life may fade away, and you might end up being guilty, conscious that you have made a terrible mistake. You might get serious mental health issues if that prevails for a long time.
Feeling that your partner is the best person and you cannot live without him does not mean he is the ideal person to enter into a lifetime commitment.
So before committing to marriage, the two of you can get closer and understand each other.
Make sure that person feels you well and understands you.
If he can understand when you are sad and able to console you.
Suppose he can understand your feelings by your behavior. That is one of the best ways to check if he understands and feels for you.
If he is concerned about your education and development.
Try to understand the place they have given you in that person's life.
The amount of attention the partner gives to your problems.
How does he feel about your problems and sadness?
Check on the amount of attention the partner gives you even if you are silent or you are not around,
These are a few of the examples.
If someone loves you truly, that person never makes you suffer or hurt you directly or indirectly.
But you cannot precisely judge a person in a short time. So, you won't be able to tell precisely within a short period of your relationship. In the earlier stage, the curiosity about the relationship is very high so anyone can behave as the perfect partner. So, every move will be based on that curiosity, not the person's real personality. So, to get the correct picture of the partner's personality, you need a considerable amount of time. Observing for a long time is the right way to know the person.
People can change at any time. Even if you confirm that the partner is trustworthy and has the same personality you are dreaming about, they also can change. But if you observe for a time, you can at least get a deeper understanding of the person. If you rush into marriage because you want the partner so much, because of the influence of the parents, or any other reason, you might have to suffer for a lifetime. If not, you will end up in a second marriage.
You can never assure that the mistakes and faults you see now could be corrected in the future. The period of a relationship is very different from the marriage life. You can never match the personality during the connection to the marriage.
You can never marry for trial and error as it will significantly impact the kids, and you will end up trapped in a loveless marriage. That is why you need a person who fulfills the requirements and the qualities of the partner that you have in mind.
You need to complete several facts to have a good married life. It is a combination of points and nothing single. There are plenty of people who suffer because they have rushed into the decision of marriage. This article will help you realize that and help you avoid making a wrong decision.
Written by,
Nandimal Edirisooriya

Nandimal Edirisooriya
I am Nandimal Edirisooriya, Sri Lanka's first and only Relationship & Breakup Expert, also known as a Relationship & Breakup Coach. I provide psychological insights to help individuals quickly overcome the pain of relationship challenges.
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